


When I Can't Talk....I Write

by A_Marie



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-05 03:18:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10296302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Marie/pseuds/A_Marie
Summary: After the last four words....





	

“Mom”

“Yeah”

“I’m pregnant.”

Rory knew as soon as she said the words out loud, the world would turn on its axis and nothing would be the same. It would be real and for the past few weeks, it wasn’t real. It was just a thing in her head, not living anywhere, similar to how her life was, she didn’t have a place that she was tied to, she was in limbo and this news just left her more confused. She was finally starting to feel like she was finding her footing in Stars Hollow and now, everything was different. Being the editor of the Stars Hollow Gazette was not going to support both her and a child, she couldn’t live in her small bedroom at her mom & Luke’s with a child. Sure, she had grown up in a potting shed at the Independence Inn and then the bedroom that now was too small.

Lorelai spoke first, breaking the silence with a smile. “A baby?”

Rory nodded, “A baby.”

“Did you tell him?”

“No. You’re the only person who knows right now.”

“How far along are you?”

“6 weeks.”

“6 weeks.”

“Yes. Mom?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m scared.”

Lorelai pulled Rory close, “You should be. Parenthood is scary, a part of your heart lives outside of your body. I would be worried if you weren’t at least a little bit scared.”

“What do I do?”

“Do you want this baby?”

“I think so.”

“Well then, first, you tell him. He deserves to know and to make his own decision about his involvement in this baby’s life.”

“What if he’s another Christopher?”

Lorelai snapped her attention to Rory at her calling Chris by his first name and not Dad.

“Christopher? What happened to Dad?”

“I got some clarity and in this particular instance, he’s a Christopher.”

Lorelai followed Rory’s train of thought, “You need to let Logan make his own decision. I didn’t always give your dad an easy time where you were concerned.” 

“I don’t know how to tell him, he has, he has Odette in his life, he’s engaged, he’s getting married, I don’t know how I tell him. I can’t ask him to….”

“You don’t have to ask for anything, but you do need to tell him. You’re a writer Rory, write him a letter and send it by mail or carrier pigeon, but let him make his own decision. You owe him that much.”

“I know. Where do I start?”

“The beginning is a good place to start.”

Rory leaned her head on her mother’s shoulder and felt Lorelai lean her head on top of hers.

 

3 days later….

Rory had the house to herself for the next week while Lorelai and Luke headed off on a weeklong honeymoon to parts unknown, at least to the girls. Luke had planned a honeymoon and wouldn’t give any information other than to pack for warm days and chilly nights. Rory had stood on the porch the day before and waved goodbye to her mom and stepfather, who really had been the only real dad in her life. Luke was who she was meant to have; Christopher was a means to get her and her mom to Luke. Her meeting with Christopher at his office changed everything and for the first time, Rory truly understood that it wasn’t Lorelai placing all these restrictions on Christopher, it was him but Lorelai took the blame, wanting Rory to have a dad. What she didn’t realize at the time, was Rory’s dad was there in Stars Hollow all along.

Rory grabbed her notebook and headed for the porch swing, she knew she had to tell Logan, and she had to do it soon. She decided to take her mother’s advice, maybe a letter was the way to go, it gave him an out and left further contact up to him.

  


_Dear Logan,_

_I know we said our goodbye at the bed and breakfast and I left you there, the perfect moment of a perfect memory. I hold that memory close and I hope that one day you will too._

_In moments of despair, confusion and sometimes fear, I’ve always leaned on you and you have been there for me always. That means the world to me and you hold a very special place in my heart._

_I was not able to call you about this because I don’t think I have the strength to face you in real time, so I send this letter in hopes that you will understand. That night with the boys was perfection and it was exactly what I needed as I faced this crisis of career. You have shown me, time and time again, that there is adventure everywhere you look, even in the smallest of places._

_The next adventure in my life is going to be raising a baby here in Stars Hollow. The memory of that night is no longer just a memory, I’m pregnant. I am not going to ask anything of you, other than you take time to think this over and seriously decide what you want to do. I was raised by a single mom with an absentee dad and I don’t want the same for my baby. I know how much it hurts to wait for someone to show up who doesn’t. I will not make any decisions for you, if you want to be in this together, we can co-parent or if you’d rather have no part, I’m ok with that too. I can’t allow this baby to live in uncertainty every day of his or her life._

_I’ve had 6 weeks to think about it and that’s my decision. I’m going to keep this baby that’s growing and we’ll be here in Stars Hollow. You are welcome to visit any time, we can split holidays, share birthdays and any time in between or you can walk away and I will make sure that our baby knows that you are a good, honorable, wonderful human being who wasn’t ready to be a dad. The decision is up to you and I am ok with whatever you decide._

_I would ask that you take the next 6 weeks to think over all that this entails, I’ve read some books and it’s terrifying, so I would suggest doing some research and not making any rash decisions. My mother is the only person who knows right now, they say it’s best to wait until you’re past the first trimester to tell anyone. I’ve decided that I won’t tell anyone besides Mom and Luke until I’ve heard from you so while I don’t want to put a time limit on you, I am confident that 6 weeks is enough time to process and make some decisions, babies are forever and it’s not a decision to be taken lightly._

_I did not want to tell you this way but you deserve to know, Odette deserves to know if you are going to be sharing your life together. I’ll be staying home with mom and Luke while I look for a place but I will be staying in Stars Hollow for the foreseeable future, it’s where I belong and it’s where this baby needs to start his or her life._

_In Omnia Paratus,_

_Rory_

Before she could lose her nerve, she put the letter in an envelope with a stamp and sent it on its way. It would be a few days before he would receive it in London and that gave her enough time to prepare herself for whatever would lie ahead. She spent the next few days working at the Gazette during the day, visiting Lane and the boys, skyping with Paris and searching for apartments. She had yet to tell anyone but she was pretty sure both Lane and Paris suspected but weren’t going to question her yet. Her body was starting to slightly change and it was mostly only noticeable to her but it was there and it made everything that much more real. 

She hadn’t experienced any morning sickness but she craved fruit, just like her mother. She slept a lot more than usual and if she didn’t get enough sleep, she would have a migraine to end all migraines. The worst migraines found her lying on the floor with her head under the bed or on the living room floor burrowed under a blanket and pillow fort to achieve maximum darkness. 

Rory was anxious for Lorelai to come home in a few days, she had questions and she needed her mom. She had found an apartment, a small 2 bedroom on Peach Street, it was above the garage of Ms. Millie’s house. She was a widow who refused to move out of her house even though her children wanted her to go to a nursing home. She wanted a tenant to help justify why she couldn’t sell the house. Before she would discuss the rental, she gave Rory the key to look at the apartment. 

As Rory climbed the stairs, she felt a giddiness she hadn’t felt before, it would be her first true apartment on her own, no roommates, no grandparents, no boyfriends, no parents, a place she found for herself and paid for herself. She opened the door to the apartment and was immediately taken in by the khaki colored walls with hardwood floors. It was a large open floor plan with a kitchen and living room that would dwarf what little furniture she had. There was a lot of natural light from the large living room windows with a perfect view of the town square. As she walked down the short hallway, she found two bedrooms and a bathroom, the master bedroom was large with a walk-in closet which would house not only all of her clothes but left plenty of room for books. The second bedroom, slightly smaller but it had a bench seat at the windows which also faced the town square, she could see herself and her little one reading bedtime stories while looking out at the town or curling up and watching the snow fall. When she stepped into the bathroom, she knew she was home. It was perfect, the whole apartment was perfect and the claw-foot tub in the bathroom was the icing on the cake. She liked the hardwood floors in the kitchen and living room, the soft carpet of the bedrooms and the rustic tiles of the vintage bathroom. She knew she was home.

When she finally met Miss Millie on the porch, her face told Miss Millie all she needed to know, she had found a renter. They sat on the front porch, drinking ice tea and discussing the rental agreement. Rory would have access to the garage if she wanted to use it, Miss Millie had never driven and after her husband’s death, the garage sat empty so it was free for Rory to use as she would like, water and electric would be included in her rent but Rory would have to get her own cable and internet. Rory didn’t want to jump the gun but she was so excited, she couldn’t help it. She told Miss Millie she wouldn’t be able to move in right away, she needed time to get money together. She was promptly told the apartment was hers when she was ready and they shook hands on it, as good a contract as any paper one in Stars Hollow.

By the time Rory got home she was exhausted and excited, so much so that she promptly fell asleep on the couch and slept through the night. When she woke up the next morning, she experienced her first bout of morning sickness and it lasted day and night. She spent most of the next 2 days sleeping on the floor of the bathroom when she wasn’t throwing up; she was there on the floor when her mom and Luke returned home. 

“Rory, we’re home.” When there was no response, Lorelai tiptoed to Rory’s bedroom but found she wasn’t there. Her car was in the driveway and her purse was on the table in the living room, Lorelai felt panic rise in her chest. Luke searched the downstairs and outside while Lorelai headed upstairs, if her suspicions were correct, she would be finding her daughter hanging over the toilet bowl. When she found her, her heart broke that she was all alone, sleeping on the tile floor. She leaned over and kissed Rory’s head.

“Hey sweets.”

Rory mumbled something and looked up at her mother, her eyes glassy and welling up with tears. 

Luke came into the room at that moment, “Oh my god, Rory, are you ok?” He rushed over and Lorelai gently put a hand out to stop him. 

“She’s ok.”

“She doesn’t look ok.”

“She’s ok. Trust me.”

“I’m ok.” Rory tried to sit up but the massive headache was not helping her balance and her head made it from the floor to her mother’s lap. “I’m pregnant.”

Luke sat back on his heels, “Pregnant?”

“Yes.” The tears finally started to fall from Rory’s eyes.

“Why didn’t you say something, we should have been here.”

“I knew.” Lorelai stroked Rory’s head and smoothed her hair back.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“It wasn’t my news to share.”

“Rory, you should have said something.”

Rory looked over at Luke, “It was your day, your wedding, you waited long enough, I didn’t want you to wait any longer.”

“You always come first.” Lorelai smiled at Luke, he really was the best dad for Rory. “How long have you been on the floor?”

“I don’t know.” Rory was in full on cry, “I feel so horrible. My head hurts so bad.”

“Why don’t you and your mom go get you changed and then we’ll get you all set up with a garbage can and some fluids, you may be dehydrated if you’re not eating or drinking.”

“Sounds good. Come on, sweets, let’s get you cleaned up.”

Lorelai got Rory up off the floor, showered and in some of Lorelai’s pjs before they headed back downstairs where Luke had set up Rory’s bed with a garbage can next to it, bottles of water and the darkest sheets he could find to help cut out light from her windows. Once Rory was settled, Luke and Lorelai headed into the living room.

“So you’re going to be a grandma.”

“You’re going to be a grandpa.”

“I’m not Rory’s dad.”

“You’re more of a dad than Christopher ever was and Rory feels the same way.”

“We’ll see.”

Rory would battle morning sickness for another 3 days, unable to move from her bed or in the worst moments, the bathroom floor, her new best friend. The morning sickness continued and had sent her to the doctor a few times but she was always sent home for rest and fluids. 

It was around week 8 that she was finally feeling normal again, the morning sickness had subsided a week ago and she was back to work, eating and planning for her move and the baby. Lorelai made her take photos every week to show her changing body. It was around this time that she also started to wonder if she would hear from Logan, she had sent the letter 2 weeks ago and while she knew that she had given him 6 weeks, she ran through a number of scenarios in her head. 

She was sitting at her desk at the Gazette, staring off into space, completely lost in her thoughts of what Logan was going to say and if she was even ready for his answer. She was so dazed that she didn’t even realize a chair had been pulled over and someone was sitting in front of her. It wasn’t until the person sitting cleared their throat that she snapped out of it and looked over and her eyes met Finn’s.

“In Omnia Paratus.”

With just one phrase Rory knew, Logan had sent him and that meant there was hope that he wanted this baby as much as she did and that he wouldn’t be another Christopher.

“Logan sent you.” It was a statement, not a question.

“He asked me to check on you, yes.” Finn held his arms out, indicating the town, “I would never miss an opportunity to visit the Hollow,”

“So you know.” Another statement, not a question and Finn’s silence gave her the answer. “How long are you in town?”

“That has not been determined, but I shall be here as long as my favorite Reporter Girl needs me.”

Rory smiled. “I’m happy to see you. I missed you.”

“I missed you as well. What shall we do today?”

“I have to work.” Rory motioned to the office, “News never sleeps.”

“You are the editor, are you not?”

“I am.”

“Well then I imagine you would be able to take a personal day, no?”

Rory hesitated, “Ok. Let’s go.”

Finn wrapped an arm around Rory’s shoulders as they headed out of the Gazette office, “So tell me, how are you feeling?”

“I’m much better now.” At his concerned expression, Rory continued, “I had some pretty bad morning sickness though it lasted day and night. I’ve been to the doctor and everything is looking good. The baby is growing and looks to be healthy.”

“That’s what we want, a healthy and happy baby.” Finn paused, “Are you still staying with Lorelai and Luke?”

“For now, I’ve slowly started to move into my new apartment. It’s over on Peach Street, would you like to see it?”

“I would love nothing more.”

Rory turned them in the direction of Peach Street, “It’s above Miss Millie’s garage, it has two bedrooms and a perfect view of the town square. It’s perfect.” Rory pointed to the garage as they got closer. 

Rory started up the stairs with Finn following behind, “I’m going to stay with Mom and Luke for the first few weeks but then the little one and I will move here.”

“Do you know if it’s a little lady or lad?”

“I don’t know and I don’t want to find out. I figure there needs to be some incentive to push this baby out.”

“Have you thought about names?”

“I have. You know that I was close with my grandpa, so regardless of a boy of girl, I want the name to be Ricky. If it’s a boy, it’ll be with a Y and if it’s a girl it’ll be an IE at the end. Middle name will be Lorelai for a girl and then either Lucas or Logan if it’s a boy.” 

“They both sounds like fine names.”

Rory unlocked the door and motioned for Finn to walk in, “Welcome to my home.”

Finn walked in and took a look around the open floorplan, there was a comfortable looking couch and oversized armchair, a small tv, bookshelves filled with books and knickknacks from Rory and/or Logan’s travels and multiple sizes and shapes of framed photos with a large photo of Rory, Lorelai and Luke from the wedding in the center of the wall. The kitchen was empty of personal touches with the exception of the refrigerator which was covered in colorful magnets. 

“I like it.”

“There’s more to see, the nursery is the only completely finished room.”

Finn followed Rory down the hallway to the baby’s room as she pushed open the door, she stepped back and waited to see what his reaction would be. Finn stepped into the room and slowly spun around, the pale blue walls were accented by a silhouette of Rory’s first LBD event and the fateful jump that started Rory and Logan’s relationship on the wall, “The changing table, a bookshelf and rocking chair will be there,” Rory, turned to the opposite wall, “and the crib will be there.” Pointing to the wall where the words _In Omnia Paratus_ were in the middle of the wall. The window seat had pillows the same material as the tents from that same event and looked out over the square. 

“It’s brilliant.”

“Thank you. I wanted this little one to know where their story started.”

“This little one will always know where their story started. Uncle Finn is here to stay, regardless of Logan.”

“That means more to me than you’ll ever know.”

“So what about your bedroom?” Finn wiggled his eyebrows.

Rory giggled, “Not much to see but come on.”

Rory wasn’t kidding when she said not much, Finn looked around the room and except for a bed, nightstand and dresser, the room lacked anything that indicated Rory lived there. 

“You do plan to decorate, correct?”

“Yes, I just haven’t had the time between work and the baby’s room, I don’t need much – Luke is building me some shelves and will be hanging some pictures up. He’s been busy at the diner so it’s a work in progress.

“Well it’s a lovely work. I think you’ve found the perfect place, the only problem is there is nowhere for Uncle Finn to stay when he visits. I guess the couch will have to do.”

“You can stay at the Inn.”

“Perish the thought. I want to be as close to this baby as possible, I’ll take a night shift so you can sleep.”

“Let me have the baby before you start claiming shifts.”

Finn pulled Rory into a hug. “You have made a lovely home, this baby is very lucky to have you.”

Rory hugged him back. “Thank you.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Over the next few weeks, Finn stayed around Stars Hollow, helping Luke hang photos around Rory’s apartment and helping Rory unpack boxes. Rory was grateful for the help but couldn’t help but wonder if she would hear from Logan. She had given him 6 weeks but she was starting to show and she couldn’t invite anyone to her new apartment until she announced her pregnancy. It would be hard to explain the baby’s room without anyone knowing about the baby. 

Rory knew Finn wouldn’t be staying forever but she was grateful for the time he was with her. It was Thursday of week 11 and he would be heading to Australia and California for business. Rory was sad to see him go but she also knew he would be back and he would be checking on her. 

Rory was still living with Luke and Lorelai, even though the apartment was coming together; she still planned on staying with them through the first few weeks. She continued to read every baby book she could find and tried to decide on how she was going to tell her friends and family. She would probably FaceTime with Emily so she could tell her face to face; she wanted her to be a part of the experience from the beginning. She would be going to the doctor to hear the heartbeat the next week – week 12, Lorelai was joining her for the appointment if Logan decided to step aside and not be a parent. She thought about FaceTiming with Emily from the appointment as well. It was exciting and scary and Rory needed all the support she could get.

Lorelai watched as Rory struggled with the uncertainty of whether Logan would show up or not. She knew what it was like to sit and wonder if Chris was going to show up and what he would say or do when he did. She didn’t want that for Rory or this baby; she only hoped the Logan made the right decision. She didn’t know what that decision was but she had to hope that whatever he decided, Rory would be able to handle. She knew Rory was counting down the days to the deadline she had given Logan and as it creeped closer, she could see the panic and worry in Rory’s face because she put on a good front but she was scared and she didn’t want to do it alone. She could if she had to and she tried to prepare herself but she still held out hope that she would hear from Logan in the next few days, 6 weeks sounded like a lot but now, it didn’t seem to be enough.

It was Sunday evening, the beginning of week 12 when Rory received a note, it was on old worn paper in fountain ink and it read simply,

  
_In Omnia Paratus  
-LH_  



End file.
